Are your kids (be honest) whiny, entitled shut-ins?

Mine are, mostly because of texting/Snapchat addiction, and global warming of course. Seriously, do you want to teach your precious snowflakes some hard truths about winning and losing, and get them ahead in life? Forget that – do you want to get them off their phones for 5 minutes, for crying out loud? If you're a 'go outside and play' type parent, then ONEUPMANSHIP, the way-better-than-Ivy-League education (disguised as a classic board game) is just what you need to teach the chillins some valuable life lessons. Their brains'll get a much-needed kick in the pants, figuratively speaking – which they'll thank you for later – just make sure they're wearing clean underwear.

A cool and creative upside the head smack of old school fun. Fifty bucks.

Happy 21st Birthday, Quinn.

"Thanks for the game, guys. That's awwwesome! I can't wait to play with my friends."

- Quinn Connors, Ridgefield, CT

The whole point of ONEUPMANSHIP is to have fun with your family and friends. No it's not, it's about winning — pure and simple. Just kidding! Play the game of life like you mean it: Buy low, sell high. Wheel and deal. Then double deal. Live large. Lose huge. My building's bigger. 25 pushups? Boom. Boom. Boom. Trophy Wife swap, anyone? Indian Arm Wrestling... ha, piece of cake. Yikes! Bankruptcy happens. The first player to reach $100,000 without losing their shorts (so-to-speak), wins.

The Executive Package. Love. Money. Party.

This deluxe version includes 4 custom pawns, a Scarlet Letter "B" pin, and a vial of "Bitter Pills". Nice package. Wait a sec... we're also going to throw in a limited-edition "Man Up." t-shirt — a rallying cry for unfunny uncles and money-grubbing grandmas everywhere. Bring ONEUPMANSHIP to your next get-together and we guarantee you'll be the hero. Unless your friends/in-laws/loved ones are humorless losers.

Cutthroat entertainment in a big, black box: 75 clams.


"I'm just your average 21 year old, sometimes sober college student training to be a chef at the Culinary Institute of America. One of my friends recently told me about this new game he'd gotten called ONEUPMANSHIP, and how much fun it was. So one Saturday night we broke it out and played. I got the 'Knuckles' card and my hand is still killing me!" — Jonathan Ikegana, Hyde Park, NY.

Read more satisfied customer complaints here >

Our other Darwinian game is for people who like to steal.

First off, are you recalcitrant and brainy? Love words? Hyper-competitive? Not above a little larceny? Then you'll definitely love One Up! — it's fast, quick, hard as hell and makes a virtue of a vice that's also incredibly addictive: taking things that don't belong to you. So use the intellectual soup you've got in the kitchen, so-to-speak, to snatch other people's words with impunity – and find out oh what fun it is to win.

Highway robbery at only $17.50

"Look, Chadwick, a rally for us."

ONEUPMANSHIP is proud to have been the "Trophy Sponsor" of the Inaugural Old's Cool Tour, September 10th-13th, 2015. We couldn't have had more fun. See you next year, madwhipsters!

We got (old) schooled!

The assignment was easy: have fun driving your vintage automobile 1,000 miles through scenic New England, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania visiting en route each of the 8 most prestigious and gorgeous universities on the planet. You'll have a blast meeting up with classmates and fellow aficionados, talking shop, enjoying incredible amenities, savoring great foo… wait a sec, the point is not to have fun, it's to win the rally, of course. Not only win, but totally beat everyone else. And owning the rarest and most expensive machine wouldn't hurt either. All the while being fake self-deprecating and charming. Haven't you learned anything at all since the day you graduated?

Click here to find out much fun running with the big dogs was, and to sign up for next year's "Unglaublich super geil driving."

Stay tuned for more excellent, genius loot.

Sign up now and get first dibs on the latest and the greatest. We'll only contact you when it's totally worth your while, and promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap. Ever.

If you'd like to contact us to – ask a question (please make it short, relevant, and easy to answer); register an above-the-belt criticism or complaint; pay us a compliment, or many; waste our time and yours with trivialities or trolling; or just to say hello – at least do it with some vim and panache:

Check out our blog The Upshot

"Do you drink? Heavily? Are you louche and fatuous? Unhappy? Skint? Then go grab a cheap case or a bottle right away and push it down. Empty your head, if it isn't already empty. Shovel off your desk and get your calendar on the right year at least. How's your mother, by the way?"

Take me away, Calgon... >