These aren't real questions: we just made them up to get the poop out to you as painlessly as possible.
Because capitalism is a beautiful thing. And fifty bucks for a lifetime of fun is a wicked bargain.
What goes on behind closed doors is your business. Seriously, we won't rent, sell, or compromise the integrity of your credit card or contact information. Ever. For any reason. (See Fine Print, below.)
When we first started out we were hoping ONEUPMANSHIP would conquer the world, but our dream was defeated by the slow, inexorable, thorough, unflinching, inhuman machinery of foreign officialdumb. No kidding — after innumerable headaches, delays, laughs (ha!) and lots of useless and time-consuming paperwork, we decided to stay in our own backyard so-to-speak.
UPDATE: Due to overwhelming demand (and a few not-so-veiled threats), we've decided to ship ONEUPMANSHIP via U.S. Mail to Canada for a mere twenty bucks extra; Europe, Hong Kong, Australia, and New Zealand for an additional forty.
Just send it back to... Oneupmanship Returns, 202 (bis) Georgetown RoadWeston, CT 06883 ...with no questions asked, except "What the hell?"
Yes, if you're not thrilled or frustrated or both with ONEUPMANSHIP, we'll refund 100% of your money and then send you a free game of Monopoly. No joke.
We take your trust seriously, and do everything we can to be deserving of it.
Oneupmanship.com will not sell, rent or abuse any of the personal information you provide us with, either as a subscriber or a customer, and assures you of the security of your credit card information.
When you sign up for our newsletter, we promise not to spam you to death with irrelevant crap — we're only into smarty-pants writing worth reading.
Never question the Integrity of the Execution: We do our best to have all of our stuff in stock, and to ship out your order within 24 hours. If we don't, or can't, we'll notify you by email with a completely believable excuse. Seriously, all orders ship U.S. Priority mail; overseas orders ship U.S. International Priority mail.
As our way of saying thank you very much for all your incredible support, we're now offering FREE SHIPPING* on all our cool, genius loot, from this day forward, until forever... with liberty and justice for all. *U.S. only. However, for ONEUPMANSHIP (the game), we'll provide U.S. Priority Mail service to Canada for a dirt-cheap $20; everywhere else in the world is a mere $40 more. All other Oneupmanship products will ship out for an additional $12 to Canada; $20 to the rest of the literate planet.
No one has a monopoly on fun... but we guarantee you'll absolutely love ONEUPMANSHIP, or your money back. Period. Well, semi-colon; if for some inexplicable reason you don't have a blast playing ONEUPMANSHIP, which we're confident will become a generation-defining smash hit, we will refund you 100% of your money. IN ADDITION, we'll send you a copy of that other very, very popular bored game FREE, if that's what you want. No questions asked. Except, maybe, what the hell? Send all returns/exchanges to: Oneupmanship Returns 202 (bis) Georgetown Road Weston, Connetiquette 06883
All content on this site, such as the genius, graphics, logos, images, audio clips, video, data, music, software, and other material is owned or licensed property of Oneupmanship or its suppliers or licensors and is protected by copyright, trademark, patent, or other proprietary rights. The collection, arrangement, and assembly of all content on the site is the exclusive property of Oneupmanship and is protected by U.S. and international copyright laws. Oneupmanship and its suppliers and licensors expressly reserve all intellectual property rights for all content.
ONEUPMANSHIP has some playing pieces that are smallish and can be a choking hazard if mistaken for food, or candy, for example, and swallowed. So use some common sense (even if it means acting out of character for a change), especially when playing around very young children, dogs of any description, or friends with oral fixations. Seriously, if you are even reading this "Disclaimer", DO NOT PURCHASE ONEUPMANSHIP — it's only recommended for IQs of 120 and higher, we mean ages 13+.
And in case you were wondering, "Bitter Pills" and "Smart Pills" are not some wonder drug in a handy 8-dram vial, but are simply breath mints (for the intelligent), and have no obvious medicinal value/practical use whatsoever. They should always be taken with a grain of salt. They are not sugar (or irony) free, and may have come into contact with nuts. In fact, we know they have. The actual ingredients are: dextrose, modified starch, magnesium stearate, peppermint oil, acesulfame k. And finally: The Executive Package comes with a unique selection of custom pawns, which vary from game to game.